The Mane Objective

Well, I am officially experiencing something that usually only middle-age men go through: Hair Loss! The past week I have lost more hair than I think I've lost over the whole course of my life. When I wake up in the morning my pillow looks like it is made out of a fur pillow case. I go and pick up Sienna and it is all over her. I actually found one in her diaper-gross! Even Jason is making comment on it. He may not notice if I buy a new outfit, but he sure does take notice of my new fur clothes. I thought my cat shed a lot, but Rocky has nothing on me. After brushing my hair or taking a shower, you would have thought I got in a fight with cousin It (from the Addams family, I think we use to be distantly related).

But before I begin to worry, I used my new handy dandy 21st century toy, and googled hair loss in new mothers. Well, of course it pulled up a zillion sites on different persepectives of hair loss, one even talked about Brittney Spears and her new balding experience. That sure made me feel much more at ease knowing that the queen of pop is going through the same experiences I am. Of course I am not wearing exactly the same outfits as hers. My JCrew t-shirt (that I have yet to wash since having Sienna-j/k) isn't quiet as revealing as Brittney's xxsmall v-neck shirts. Oh! And I do buckle Sienna up in her carseat when all of her fans(aka family) start to swarm us. After searching through different articles I found one that was from other mother's and it explained that my hair loss is normal-that is so refreshing. But, there is nothing I can really do about it. Some of the comments were uplifting and others were a little depressing. Hopefully, in a couple of months I will stop shedding and start growing my beautiful mane back. Until than I guess Sienna and I will have one thing in common, short-balding hair. But for some reason I think she will wear it better than I will, since balding is the trend for babies, not quite for twenty-somethings.

The picture above was of me around Easter. The top one of Sienna is what I have to look forward to looking like over the next few months. No one is really looking at me anyways when I have my beautiful SiSi in my arms!

Unexpected Rescuer

Again, Sienna has experienced another first. She has tried plain yogurt(I don't like plain yogurt, but before I gave it to her I thought, what the heck, and I tried it: I made the exact faces she did). From the pics I am sure you can tell what her take on it was. At first she just swallowed it b/c she knew it was food and she loves food. But after a couple of spoonfuls she started to just hold it in her mouth, as if she was trying to figure out what this white creamy stuff was. Then after more spoonfulls she just started to make very weird faces and just let the creamy stuff build up outside her mouth. Yet she kept letting me spoon more in and eventually she would swallow and the whole process would start over again. I've read that it takes a baby 15-20x to know if they really like a certain food. That is why I kept shoveling it into her mouth. Yet for me one try was more than plenty and I knew that I wouldn't be eating that stuff again.

It is kind of ironic. I was forcing her to do something that I myself wouldn't do. As I think about that I wonder if at times we as parents have standards for our kids that we don't even live up to, or are there things that we expect of them that we ourselves don't even do. The other day I went down to Pottery Barn with Sienna. With a baby you never know what to expect, so I prepare for every situation. So, I packed up my huge stroller(which is an SUV in and of itself), the snuggly (it is a mini sleeping bag for Sienna that just attatches right to me-very attractive), most of her favorite toys, her diaper bag (it actually is a survival bag for mommy), and last but not least my sweet baby girl (who could give any grown man a run for their money in a farting contest). I am in high spirits b/c we get there with Sienna half asleep. I pop open the SUV (which is great b/c I can do it with one hand while balancing Sienna on my hip-I knew God gave these to me for a reason) and ever so slowly buckle her in and were off for an easy breezy trip to pick out a rug. Well, of course as soon as I start to look at the rugs Sienna starts to get fussy. So, I pick her up and place her on the great gift that God has given me, my hip. After sorting through rugs I find the one I like and then realize how am I going to get it to the register-Aha, I will some how manuver it onto the stroller. I am sure the people around me thought I looked ridiculous, but I didn't care 'cause I got it onto the stroller and some how was able to hold onto her, balance the rug on the stroller, and push it all to the counter. Getting checked out was a whole other ordeal. But I managed and was proud of myself for not dropping anything. Yet, the real test was right before me. How the heck was I going to push the whole thing, while holding Sienna, through the big double glass doors. Then I saw my hope, a mom and her daughter were coming into the store. I just knew that this nice woman would see another parent in need and hold open the door for me. But no, she opened the door, took one look at me and kept on walking (I propmise you I didn't look that scary-I had at least taken a shower). I was a little angry at her. My mind began to race on how I was going to get through these doors. Then the person who I wasn't expecting to help, held open both doors for me, gave me a big smile, and became my rescuer. It was the teenage daughter.

Who would've thought that the daughter would be the one to do what was right. Shouldn't it have been the other way around. But no, it was the daughter stepping up and doing it. She was living out probably standards that her mom had taught her. I hope that the same standards that I teach to my children I live out in front of them as well. That I not only speak good things, but that I do good things. We lead by example, is yours worth following.

A Voice

Over the past few weeks I have had a new spark of interest in the holocaust and Jewish people in general. Maybe it is because of watching an Oprah show that had Elie Wiesel on, and talked about his book, Night, or maybe because I am reading a book about parenting using Jewish traditions and teachings. This has made me pick up the book Night and reread it again. I also rented the movie the Pianist again (I almost rented Schindlers List, but I thought I could save that one for later). The shock of what these people went through was as new and cruel as it was the first time that I was introduced to these accounts. I will never know what these individuals went through. I will never understand the minds of those who inflicted a whole human race or why they did it. But I do know that it continues on today in different parts of the world (Sudan, Rwanda).
We as mankind need not to lose a voice in the fight for humanity. God created us above all other creation and yet we kill ourselves. After reading a piece of Elie Wiesel's book where he said that they were throwing cart loads of children and babies into the fire, I went to bed and had very vivid and horrible dreams about being in his footsteps. But it was current and I had my beautiful baby girl. Wiesel said that if a mother didn't let go of their baby that the SS guards would throw the mother into the flames. So, in my dream when it came time for them to take away Sienna I fought for her life, but in exchange my life was taken as well. I woke up in the middle of the night with intense fear and anxiety. I began to pray that God would take this fear away from me. As I thought through it more I began to realize that these innocent Jews couldn't wakeup from the reality they were in. As much as they prayed and shouted out to God, there was no hope insight.
I am sure many wondered where God was in the midst of all of this unspeakable pain. I wonder if I to would start to lose faith and question the God that I have so much hope and trust in now. It made me think what were others around the world doing when they heard that such a thing was happening. Did they doubt it, did they think that others would do something about it, did they have more interest in their own lives, or did they just not care. This has and is still going on in some since around our world today. What are we doing to help? Do we doubt it, think others will do something about, do we care more about our own lives,or do we just not care. We have to let our voices be heard that cruelty against humanity is wrong and against all that God is for. Whether it be killing of innocent people, racism, hatred towards homosexuals, turning your back on the homeless and widows, or not standing up for what is right and good. We have a calling to protect all humanity. What are we going to do about it?

Missing Out, But Not on Love

Well, we just returned from Bama. I forgot how steaming hot it got there. We went for walks in the ealy morning and it was hotter then it was in the middle of the day in PA (when I returned it was in the 70s here). It was so great to visit with family and enjoy their company. The only thing is, when we go I feel like I never get to see Jason. When we were flying back was when we got to catch up with each other. But we choose to take time for our families instead of vacations with each other (and that is one thing that we wouldn't change right now).

I didn't now that Sienna was famous. As soon as we got there she was surrounded by people (some may call these people family, but I call them her fan club; but of course I'm her number one fan). They were all taking turns holding her, cooing to her (I thought she was the one who was suppose to do that), feeding her, taking her for walks, kissing/hugging her, and even changing her (poor aunt Karen had to change a major blowout-thanks). And when we went to all get family pics, we all looked like a bunch of monkeys high on cocaine trying to get Sienna to smile (I promise some of the guys were jumping up and down waving their arms like a big ape). It was all worth it though when she looked at the camera and gave a big beautiful smile. As much as the family loved on SiSi, they loved us and took interest in us just as much. That is what is so great about them.

We have only been home for a couple of days and in that time so much has changed already with Sienna. She started to eat sweet potatoes (which she loves), grabs a hold of her feet and won't let go, and has rolled over from her stomach to her back. In that short amount of time she has learned new things. She will always be learning new things and family will miss out on some of those things, but they won't miss out on loving her and her loving them. Whenever anything happens I try and call all the fam and let them know. So, even though we live far away and family isn't always around, at least I know she is loved deeply and I know she will love them back just as much.

Impacting a Child

Jason, Sienna, and I went to see my kindergarten class graduate on Friday. I hadn't seen them since Sienna was a couple of weeks old. So, they had no idea that I was coming. The moment I walked in the door they all dropped what they were doing and just about tackled me. Each one had grown a little taller, smiled a little bigger (some with fewer teeth), hugged a little tighter, and smelled a little better. They were eager to see me, and I was just as eager to see them. Everything was so familiar. But my visit was different. As they ran around the room in eagerness and complete chaos, I realized that I had missed out on so much: the birthdays, them really learning to read, teeth coming out, feet growing, tying shoes, wiping noses, fights, skinned knees, caring for each other, argueing over who will sit next to me at lunch, red cards, and all that is discovered during a five year olds life. These were things that I had taken for granted while I taught. They were day to day things. The norm for most kids. But I had missed it.
As I sat there watching the program, I was filled with sadness. But towards the end the teacher who took my place gave me an opportunity to talk. I was able to relate how much I missed them and was proud of their accomplishments. As the programmed ended I was able to catch up with the parents. One after another praised me for the impact I had on their child's life and education. This made me feel good and important. All my work had paid off for those young children. I began to miss teaching and the opportunity I had to impact others for good. But as our time came to an end and I watched my wonderful husband placing my beautiful daughter in the car, I was filled with happiness. My journey has just begun with impacting a child's life, the life of my own kid. What a great opportunity I have ahead of me!