Trusting the Wild

Some times life just doesn't make sense. I love and serve a God who is the essence of mercy and love, yet there are times that I am so confussed by Him. Last night as I was flipping through the whole ten channels on our tv, I came across a documentary on the Congo. It was filled with innocent men, women, and children that were slowing being starved. There was a family with two very small children that were being interviewed at there house (which in our society would be labled as a run down ol' shack). The husband talked about working in the diamond mines, which wasn't his choice but there are no other jobs available, and he works 12 hour days to only bring home a dollar. The wife goes to a place that our food inspectors would close down in a blink of an eye, the market. Here she buys different foods, which aren't even for her starving children, but for her to cook and take over to the mines to sell to the men there. When I saw this I thought what a strong woman she must be, because I am sure it would be tempting to take all of that food home to feed her boys. She totes one of her small boys, that has boils all over his feet, along with her. She also only earns around a dollar. Then after a long tiring day they all go home and sit down on a dirt mat for their first meal. Which consist of a green lettuce. There is no meat, fruits, or dare I say sweets.

The family discussed why it is this way, and from what I could gather it is because of politics. The leadership is corrupt and greedy. While millions are starving, they bring in over 2 billion dollars in revenue for diamonds. But the Congonease people don't see any of this. They hold elections, but really it is only an outward expression of democracy. Who the people vote for is either not elected or assasinated.

As I watched the footage I could only think of the babies and there sad eyes. They were so hungry and so small. I felt so humbled as I sat and popped whoppers into my mouth. As I went to my pantry to get the whoppers I never onced thought about those around the world that were going without. Thinking about all that I have and all the times that I have wanted more or didn't think I had enough shoes, really made me realize that I have more than I even realize. Yet, all around the world, even in our own communities, there are people who live on next to nothing.

Laying in bed that night I thought about the Congenease people and began to ask God why? Why did those babies and their families go hungry? Why did I have so much? What did He want me to do? What could I do? Many of these questions are not answered, but I know that I have a role in this world and in my community. I have the ability to pray and to use my resources as Christ ask me. But one of the most important roles is for me to trust this wild and confussing God.

Little Miss Bossy Pants

Well, I hate to burst your gentle & timid image of me, but I am bossy! No, really I am! In many ways I knew this to be a little bit true. Even growing up I would boss my younger sister around and tried to boss my older brother around, he usually just laughed and then would preceed to shoot me in the face with a beebee gun. The other day Jason & I watched some home videos of us over the past months. While watching this my eyes were opened to what a dictator I can be. I would tell Jason what to do & how to do it. I would even try to tell my family what to do. I thought giving instructions in a nice and kind way would help me not to sound so bossy, but it sure didn't. It was a little humbling, okay-big time humbling, to watch those videos. I turned to Jason and said, "I am BOSSY." A little piece of me was hoping that he would reassure me that I wasn't, he responded in the most loving way, "Uh, Ya think!"

This hit me hard. I don't want to be controlling and the type of person who has to boss others around. But I have become that person. I try to tell myself that things have to be done a certain way for our lives to run smoothly, but really it is my selfish way of trying to control things the way I want them done. This is not fair to the people around me, especially my husband, and one day my kids. After taking a long hard look at myself I have realized that my way isn't always the right way and there doesn't have to be a right and a wrong way. I need to rejoice that we are all different. I need to let my husband be his own boss (well, maybe I can gentle let him know that a yellow shirt shouldn't be thrown in with a load of whites) and let him wash the dishes how he wants to.

The fact is, I have a husband who loves me for me and allows me to be over organized & a little obsessive. I owe it to him to be not so bossy and a little more quit. Not that I should turn into a church mouse, but I should remind myself that no words are better than bossy words (well,something like that). He does so much for the family already without me even having to ask. Just yesterday he took Sienna out and let me lay in bed and read. He also, folded four loads of laundry. So, the next time I see him not wiping the counter a certain way, or not changing Sienna into a specific outfit, I am going to not say a word & thank him for all that he does.